Patient Explanations #2

Trigger warning: this poem contains material related to substance abuse. Reader discretion is advised. 

I know better
I hate it with all I have
But on day four
I’m walking my dealer’s path

Confused when I’m sober
Wondering what went wrong
Hating yourself
Sacred; wondering if I will love long

Flirting with it
While trying to cut it off
Lust burning me down
As I negotiate the trade offs

Burying my friends
Wondering when it’s my turn
Shaking from fear and desire
Loved ones ignoring or concerned

Rehab on repeat
Hoping each time I can win
Working each step
Prayers of confession for each sin

One day at a time
Winning is found in resilience
I am still working
But I will have sobrieties brilliance

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