As a child I checked out joke books from the library 
I noticed the popular kids made other laugh 
I thought I could learn to do the same 
Eventually I did 

Later someone gossiped about a person I admired 
They said their opinions were too strong 
Suddenly I was emptied of my opinions 

As a teenager I learned it to laugh at jokes I didn't understand 
Rather than ask for an explanation 
Didn't want to "ruin the moment" 

Then I went quiet 
Because I feared that one day 
Someone might hear what I said 

As a young man I was ashamed of my looks 
Working tirelessly to get and keep a girlfriend 
Then the jokes wouldn't stick 
I had evidence I could be loved 

As an adult I get lost 
It's not clear what to be 
Everyone is so different 
I've tried on personalities like hats 
But that internal voice in the background 
timid and fearful of rejection 
trying my hardest to be well thought of 
that I never thought well of myself 

And now with time and age I can see 
I need to work instead to just be