Do you hear it?
The Drums I mean..
Pounding just off time of my heart’s back beat
As I rest in my seat
Chest twisted at the core
tightened lungs and ribs sore
Oxygen turned to Co2
unable to escape its tomb
drums beating in my ears
but off tempo
out of sync
as my mind writes catastrophes out of invisible ink
what if my friends are secret agents
harboring secret angst
my awkward cadence
my off the blue out of the wall jokes that landed flat
oh what a lavish life I could lead
without my best shadow: Anxiety
What if my wife hates me?
I mean she always comforts me
Standing against my fears with taco bell and listening ears
assuring love and steadiness even through my irrational craziness,
conflict avoidance, and need for silence
And yet one bad joke, or misplaced word sends me spiraling
like walking on tile and messing up one steps timing
stepping on grout cracking agaisnt my shoe, who knew
my thoughts could transform you
Conspiracy theories turning my loved ones to lizard people
Invading solely to turn my life into an underfunded parody sequel
anxieties lies stealing life’s endowments
reinvesting them in fear based monuments
towering monoliths to my insecurity.
Pay the entrance fee
First up the hall of imagined consequences,
The recreation of nightmares
and don’t miss the exhibit of stammered sentences
All choreographed to the sounds of off rhythm drumming,
jazz chords played clumsily and the amp’s low buzzing.
As the invisble ink dries
The drums subside
my entombed lungs open
Fresh air brings hope in
The sun rises on an undreamed nightmare
the hawish glares resolve to loving stares
my replaying cycle of failure
is replaced with a highlight reel:
My proposal as I kneeled
my son born how that feels
Life’s endownments reinvested in my soul
Anxiety replaced by hope and made me whole.
do you hear the drums?
Do you hear hope’s drums?