Do you hear it?

The Drums I mean..

Pounding just off time of my heart’s back beat

As I rest in my seat

Chest twisted at the core

tightened lungs and ribs sore

Oxygen turned to Co2

unable to escape its tomb

drums beating in my ears

but off tempo

out of sync

as my mind writes catastrophes out of invisible ink

what if my friends are secret agents

harboring secret angst

Agaisnt

my awkward cadence

my off the blue out of the wall jokes that landed flat

and laughless

oh what a lavish life I could lead

without my best shadow: Anxiety

What if my wife hates me?

I mean she always comforts me

Standing against my fears with taco bell and listening ears

assuring love and steadiness even through my irrational craziness,

conflict avoidance, and need for silence

And yet one bad joke, or misplaced word sends me spiraling

like walking on tile and messing up one steps timing

stepping on grout cracking agaisnt my shoe, who knew

my thoughts could transform you

Conspiracy theories turning my loved ones to lizard people

Invading solely to turn my life into an underfunded parody sequel

anxieties lies stealing life’s endowments

reinvesting them in fear based monuments

towering monoliths to my insecurity.

Pay the entrance fee

First up the hall of imagined consequences,

The recreation of nightmares

and don’t miss the exhibit of stammered sentences

All choreographed to the sounds of off rhythm drumming,

jazz chords played clumsily and the amp’s low buzzing.

As the invisble ink dries

The drums subside

my entombed lungs open

Fresh air brings hope in

The sun rises on an undreamed nightmare

the hawish glares resolve to loving stares

my replaying cycle of failure

is replaced with a highlight reel:

My proposal as I kneeled

my son born how that feels

Life’s endownments reinvested in my soul

Anxiety replaced by hope and made me whole.

do you hear the drums?

Do you hear hope’s drums?